Hotel Californication

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

The text was sent, the plans made, and Sei threw himself into his tiny studio apartment bed to roll around hugging one of his stuffed animals (one of the few things he bought himself) and fantasizing about the hotel room more than anything he and Kusakabe might do. It wasn't that he didn't feel excited about time with his friend, or anxious about maybe doing other things, but Sei was really, really excited to be in a nice room with pretty things instead of his sterile little box apartment. He didn't like his big room back home because he was alone. This time, he'd have company.

So it was the next afternoon that Sei made his way to the establishment, redeemed his voucher for one night with room service (within reason), and waited for Kusakabe to arrive, sitting on a plush seat in the lobby, wearing his usual skirt and trousers outfit nd watching the news feed on the lobby screen.

Comments

[zgok]

When Kusakabe got the text, he already had an outfit in mind and hanging up in the decently sized closet in his rather nice one bedroom apartment, and had pulled it all on in something of a rush in the hopes of not keeping Sei waiting for long. When he arrived in the lobby of the place, double checking the address even as he ambled in, he was dressed in a soft brown leather jacket and loosely tucked in button down shirt, with skinny jeans in a shade of teal he imagined Sei would like, given his proclivity for soft colors. His hair was brushed up into a messy sort of bun with bangs still framing his face and he'd even changed his earrings for the occasion, a pair of black glass plugs in the modestly stretched lobes. He offered Sei a soft smile as he approached, one hand coming up out of his jacket pocket.

"Yo."

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"Ahhh, Kusa-kun, you look so nice! I'm sorry! I don't have very many clothes. This is the nicest thing I own," Sei chirped, hopping out of his seat to stand in front of the other man with a smile.

"But they said they have robes and things in the room so maybe I can wear one of those? Come on! Let's go see! I already have our keycards," he adds, holding up the pair of cards before reaching out and looping his arm through Kusakabe's, tugging gently with barely restrained excitement.

Several levels up, exactly as advertised, was a full princess-inspired suite decked out for all the uses one could need subtly hidden in drawers and behind drapes. If one didn't look too hard, it was just an elegant, extremely indulgent surrounding - and everything Sei could have hoped for, judging by those wide black eyes of his.

[zgok]

"Don't worry, you still look very cute, Sei-chan." Kusakabe leans and presses a light kiss to Sei's cheek before he can get too far away, just repaying the gesture that he hadn't had the chance to last time they'd seen eachother. He accepted the arm looped through his and adjusted his own to rest comfortably, following along as he was urged.

His first impression of the room when he walks in is excessive. But the look on Sei's face is so sweet as he takes it in, Kusakabe immediately lightens up and steps in just ahead of him to take it all in. His hand runs over the bedding, supple and undoubtedly expensive. He catches sight of a few discreet places on the head and footboard that could be used as anchoring points. He doesn't intend to make use of them this time around.

"What do you want to do first?" he asks as he turns around, considering the bath option, or food, or just easing into being physical with Sei.

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Offering a half curtsy in reply to the compliment, Sei accepted the kiss with a faint blush and happy smile. Then the room took all his attention for a while. What Kusakabe saw, Sei is obviously oblivious to; he only sees the closest he's had to a proper princess set (albeit this one being far more garish than Sei's personal taste) since coming to the station, giving him a glimmer of hope that in his future he could find just the right trappings for himself.

"First? I-I don't know. I'm kind of overwhelmed," he admits with a small, embarrassed laugh. That said, he does rush over to the bed and give a little hop and twirl, flopping onto the covers with a soft 'flumpfh' sound as he since into the fluffy duvet, performing something like a snow angel as he swings his dangling legs.

"What do you want to do, Kusa-kun? I got my wish! I got a pretty room. I can't be all about me!"

[zgok]

Kusakabe is getting the impression that he's only here as a convenient excuse to get into this room, but really he can't fault Sei for that. This is a very pretty room and he has shown a proclivity for this kind of finery before, in events and things when he was usually on someone else's arm, or Kusakabe himself was not present.

He gets an idea as he's walking around the room, and he pulls up the room service menu. A quick order for a small assortment of light sweets is put in, and he heads off to peek into the bathroom. The bathtub is indeed enormous, more than enough to fit them both in at the same time.

"Food is coming, so maybe a snack? Do you think we could eat fancy chocolates in the bath?"

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"Snacks in the bath? That sounds lovely," Sei replies breathily, peeping around his hat as he takes it off and props himself up, feet swinging again. "Can we have bubbles?" he asks, trying not to sound like he was begging for anything. But really, what good is a bath without bubbles? And a bath with Kusakabe! While it may have immediately been sexualized as an idea with anyone else, Sei just looked forward to lounging in bubbles, eating chocolates, and if he was especially lucky, cuddling in the warm water with Kusa.

Even if he didn't check off a single box that evening, he was just happy to be there, specifically with Kusakabe, one of few people he felt genuinely safe with.

"Oh, and I can wear the robe after, just like the nice lady at the desk said!" Or nothing at all, sure, but his line of thought would certainly need a little coercing for that direction.

[zgok]

Kusakabe had thought that bubbles in such a bath would be a given, but he remembers that Sei had apparently been conditioned to expect next to nothing. So he just smiles and replies, "Yeah. It's not a really fancy bath without bubbles. Let me see if I can find the stuff for it and I'll run the water so it's warm." He figures it'll take a bit for such a big bath to fill, even with the multiple taps that he can see. He crouches down by the tub and searches one of the nearby cabinets, finding a surprisingly wide assortment of different scents for bath suds. He reaches for one that smells like a combination of citrus and vanilla, and reads the back before dropping in enough that there would be drifts of sweet-smelling bubbles by the time their room service arrived.

Kusakabe is far from the type to get embarrassed by changing clothes around other people, and he starts unbuttoning his shirt after hanging his jacket up, trusting that Sei would follow suit.

"There are fluffy robes in the bathroom for afterward," he informs Sei while folding his clothes haphazardly to stash until they had to leave.

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

Excited by the prospect, Sei quickly hops off the tall bed and paces around the room in curiosity, looking over at Kusakabe when he speaks up again. He watches for a moment at the blonde begins undressing, blinking owlishly before shaking his head several times to banish any concerns and leaning to start undoing his own garments.

Before long, Sei's pale, skinny little body is fully exposed, the various scars from years of IVs and surgeries to prolong his life scattered across his hairless flesh. He shivers visibly, not thinking to wear the robe to stay warm before the bath, and shifts his weight about, tapping a little rhythm with his bare feet as he protectively covers his groin from the chill of nudity. Naturally the room service would arrive just then, a little knock at the door indicating their snacks were waiting.

[zgok]

Kusakabe is a bit chilly, himself, and had been going to grab the robes form the bathroom, until their food interrupts. He heads to the door instead, pulling his shirt back on but leaving it unbuttoned. He nods and exchanges quick thank you's, then brings the little cart with its assortment of fruits and sweets inside. In an ice-filled bucket under the cart there's a bottle of sparkling wine, but he's not sure they'll want to get into that. He has a feeling that Sei wouldn't be able to hold his liquor for shit.

"Go on, the bathroom's gonna be warm," he says to try and get Sei moving in that direction rather than standing in the middle of the room totally naked. He moves that way himself, bringing the food along with him to set up near the edge of the bath where they could reach it.

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

Nodding once and hurrying into the bathroom, bare feet lightly patting as he goes, Sei eventually sits on the large tile ledge around the tub; not without a soft squeal when his bare bottom touches the ceramic.

Leaning to watch Kusakabe, Sei folds his legs onto the tub side and rests his hands in his lap, head tilting and eyes following everything while - in the usual Sei fashion - not roaming any part of Kusa that he sees. He simply doesn't take those things in on reflex or impulse, preferring to watch faces and hands and assess actions over intention.

And he was just enjoying the company and growing humid warmth on his skin, so why spoil it with his anxiety over what other things the evening might bring yet?

[zgok]

After putting the food down where it would all be easy to access, Kusakabe eases down onto the opposite edge of the tub, keeping himself only a little bit covered out of habit rather than modest; whatever modesty he might have had before coming to this place had been summarily squashed.

He offers Sei a sleepy little smile once more and slides into the water that's mostly filled by now, bubbles drifting up to his shoulders until he sort of pats them down.

"It's really warm, come on and get comfortable."

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He absolutely didn't need to be told twice, turning around and sliding into the tub with a plop and splash. He ducked beneath the water's surface, not realizing how deep and large the tub actually was, but bobbed back up immediately with a gasp and laugh, rubbing water out of his eyes, a fluff of bubbles atop his head. Definitely warmer, he thought with a relieved sigh, swiveling to look at Kusakabe with delight absolutely radiating off of him.

"Thank you for agreeing to come with me, Kusa-kun," he spoke up after a moment, smiling over to the other man.

"I really enjoyed spending time with you in the pillow pile back when I got here, so I'm glad you decided to do this with me, too."

[zgok]

Kusakabe reached out to swipe the suds off the top of Sei's head, smoothing his hands down over the other's dark hair with his fingers running through it in a gentle pass, a sweet sort of half smile on his face.

"That sounds really nice," he agrees, and settles down into the hot water with his hands in his lap. He'd take Sei's lead in what he wants to do until they both want to move on and in the meantime, he'd enjoy the luxury they were able to get on the room ticket.

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

For a time Sei just played in the suds, bare bottom squeaking on the tub as he twirled himself around, spinning about and humming, content in the shared space and not needing anything else. He knows they need to do more and what that entails, but he wants to have a little innocent fun first, and he can't think of anyone better to do that with than Kusakabe, the only person on the station so far to not get outright frustrated with him. If anything, he thought Kusakabe might actually like him, rather than just tolerate him, and Sei wants to take advantage of it while he can.

That doesn't change when he slides a little too much, losing his balance and ducking under the water again, popping up with a gasp for air a few inches from the blonde face.

Sei pauses, staring up at the other man from under water-logged eyelashes, silent and so close, the heat from his body felt even in the warm water turning their skins pink...

...and then he spits a little stream of water at Kusakabe, bursting into a fit of laughter.

[zgok]

It's almost like watching a child play around in the water, and it's a little weird, but also charming, just watching Sei really let go and enjoy himself. Kusakabe's elbow leans against the side of the tub with his head propped on his hand, but he lifts it when Sei reappears. He looks the other in the eyes, taking in the shine of them and the drops of water clinging to his face...

And then he spits a little bit of water and the image breaks, and Kusakabe startles then laughs and lunges forward to wrap his arms around Sei's shoulders. "Cuuute..."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

Laughter still ringing, Sei squeals and tries to dodge the lunge, only to fall laughing even more into Kusakabe's arms. Slowly, the mirth tapers off, and he leans into the hold, humming a soft sound of pleasure, hands raising to rest on Kusakabe's, keeping them in place as he turns enough to settle between the blonde's legs, heedless of their shared nudity. He was more interested in being close than worrying about the implications.

"I'll really miss you when you go," he sighed after a span of comfortable silence, tilting his head a little to look up at the other man before shifting to where he can tilt his head back, resting it on Kusa's shoulder. He says it as though there's no question that Kusakabe will eventually return home. Some people just had the fortitude for it that Sei knows he lacks, himself.

[zgok]

Kusakabe starts to get comfortable, though he is very aware of the way their bodies fit together when Sei settles into him. He adjusts so that his legs frame Sei's hips, arms resting loose around his middle.

His head tilts when Sei speaks up again, and he makes a curious little sound.

"Well...that will be some time later," he replies, though he doesn't know when, really. He's still not sure if he will go back yet. "Maybe we can just focus on now instead of then."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

Nodding slightly and closing his eyes, Sei just enjoys being in the other man's embrace, the warm water gently lapping against their bodies soothing what few anxieties Sei has, washing it all away as surely as bits of dirt.

"Thinking about the future was never a luxury I had," he adds after a while, smiling softly as he reclines there against the blonde. "I might do it too much now that I can. I should focus on now, like you said."

He shifts slightly, eyes opening briefly to look up at Kusa again before returning to a state of gentle repose.

"Kusa-kun...are you okay being with me?" It's obvious Sei doesn't mean just sharing each other's company, but rather their later potential interactions. Recent revelations brought to his attention forced Sei to question his viability as a candidate chosen as a partner for anything, and he wanted to know what the person as of yet closest to him thought on the matter.

[zgok]

Kusakabe's hands start to wander, though not in any really lascivious direction. Gentle swipes along narrow sides and hints of rib, then along Sei's arms under the water as if washing away something clinging to him.

"That makes sense, you're not stuck somewhere that the future is only one thing," he replies, his chin coming to rest against Sei's shoulder. His expression softens and falls some at the question. He has to wonder where this is coming from, but he feels like he shouldn't ask. "Yes."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

Grateful that Kusakabe didn't press the point, Sei's smile wides to something less uncertain, head tilting enough to nuzzle his nose under the blonde's chin, enjoying the idle, aimless touching. It felt good to be the focus of attention to any degree, and he relaxed under Kusa's fingers to a point of being so free of tension the difference was practically visible.

"That...makes me really happy," he admits, a fluttery sigh whispering alongside the words. And it did. There were very, very few people in his life that he felt truly comfortable with in the first place, fewer still he could - albeit with some shy embarrassment - imagine himself being intimate with. Kusakabe fit the bill in full, and Sei felt blessed to have that sort of connection with someone.

"Thank you for being so patient with me, Kusa-kun."

[zgok]

Maybe it's the gratitude that Sei accepts everything with that encourages him to be more open with his intentions. He really does genuinely enjoy his time with the other regardless of what they might be doing together, be it just talking or sharing a coffee or having moments like this, though they are few and far between.

His hands coast down and come to rest atop Sei's thighs, thumbs swiping back and forth lightly. "Hey...if someone makes you feel bad, you can come to see me," he murmurs as he turns his head and lets his lips brush against the side of Sei's neck. "You can talk to me."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

"I...made myself feel bad. It's no one else's fault," Sei responded fairly quickly. Not in a hurry to hide anything, but because he already assessed and accepted responsibility after everything that had happened.

"I just don't understand things sometimes and it makes me mess up things. I say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing...A month hasn't been enough to know how to talk to people without upsetting them and I just...I guess I'm not ready," he inhales deeply, staring down at the bubbles, watching the myriad colors swirl on their surfaces. He smiles faintly at the feel of Kusakabe's thumbs on his skin, tilting his head slightly to offer an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry if I'm a lot to deal with, Kusa-kun."

[zgok]

The quickness of Sei's response makes him think that there's a lot more to it than Sei's letting on, but also that he's trying to move past it so that they can't dwell. He can understand both sides of that, honestly.

"Well, you were alone for a long time and taught a lot of the wrong things, right? A month definitely isn't enough time to grow and move on if you don't have other people around that know how to support someone in that kind of position." Which he's definitely not saying he is, either. He's still pretty damn young, and while he may be well-adjusted, he's also brash and presumptuous and doesn't really have a great interpersonal track record outside of a small friend group.

The apology gets a soft, vague sort of sound, and Kuskabe's arms loop under Sei's legs, hugging him closer.

"People in general are a lot to deal with. You just have the disadvantage of not getting to live your own life."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

The slight shift in position and embrace earns a returned soft, vague sound, Sei leaning his weight into Kusakabe with a quiet sigh.

"I'm very happy to be out here and able to enjoy people and interact with them, but it was definitely easier when I didn't have to think so hard. Not that it was a good thing, being told what to do all the time. I didn't like that, but it wasn't so bad having people around that knew me well enough to speak for me in really difficult situations."

It wasn't like that at all, of course, but Sei's interpretation of his past was seen through very different lenses. Those people that presumably knew him were just facilitating his lack of autonomy, not doing him any favors; but good luck convincing him they didn't know better than him.

[zgok]

Kusakabe is connecting more and more of the dots as he's gotten to know Sei, and as with most other things he's learned about Sei over the last few weeks, he doesn't like this. It makes him hurt so deeply for him, pings every protective instinct he has.

"I've never had someone to speak for me, so I learned to do it for myself," he muses, his cheek pressed gently against the back of Sei's neck. "I never wanted someone to do that anyway. I like having my own words. It means I can say the important things myself."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

"Sometimes I was too sick or just too tired. I was always really grateful that Virus and Trip were there to help. When Toue-san would get frustrated because I couldn't do more, they would take care of me. They knew me well enough to speak up on my behalf, usually. I know they didn't always get things right, but they at least made it so I wasn't alone all the time. And what they didn't know...was only because I hid things from them," he trails off for a moment, briefly guilty-looking.

"I did...a very bad thing. I don't know what they think of me now...but I needed to say and do some important things for myself, just like you say."

[zgok]

"Bad thing?" he murmurs against Sei's skin. "The kind of bad thing you were forced to do, or the kind that would make them mad at you?" Because that's a very important distinction. Being made to feel like a bad person for not doing what you're told is in a wholly different league from just doing a bad thing.

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

Sei doesn't really recognize the difference at first, running Kusakabe's words over in thought. Bad is bad, but he supposes it makes sense to have different degrees in one's actions. Bad words weren't the same as murder, for instance.

Though he had never said a curse, the same couldn't be said about him for killing someone. Not the best situation.

"They'd be mad at me. I...ran away from home," he wrinkles his nose slightly. He wasn't lying or being vague on purpose, it was just very hard to explain in few words precisely the complex situation that had arisen.

[zgok]

Kusakabe knows Sei at least well enough by now to know when his words aren't conveying everything that he's trying to make them. It's just a result of the way Sei grew up. He knows this. It doesn't make it any less frustrating, or heartbreaking to try and deal with.

"Yeah, that'd definitely make someone mad, if they were trying to keep you in one place," he muses, staring off into space for a time. The conversation went in a really un-sexy direction and really, he doesn't even know why he's at all surprised about that.

"Hey...are you happy to be here?" he asks quietly, feeling around under the water until he's found Sei's hands.

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

Moving his own hand in reach, glad to curl their fingers together under the bubbles, Sei gives it real, genuine consideration. He knows Kusakabe isn't asking rhetorically or just to make conversation. He knows the blonde actually cares about his feelings on the matter, so he should make an effort to best answer.

"Yes," he answers after a time, tilting his head back and up to look behind him at the blonde with a gentle, reassuring smile.

"I understand that my options weren't very good and it may seem like I'm only saying I'm happy because the alternative was very bad, but...as strange and...indecent, as this place may be, it feels like getting to live all of my missed years out in one place. Like the universe is sort of making up for what I didn't have. No one is forcing me to be here, and really, I have nothing but gratitude for whoever made the decision to pick me as a candidate. I'm happy to be alive, to be encouraged to meet people. There are things that I might miss about home...people I might miss...but I wouldn't even be alive to miss them if not for coming here. I think this is...odd, but also wonderful. So yes, Kusa-kun. I am happy."

[zgok]

Kusakabe accepts that, nodding as Sei looks back at him. It at least feels like Sei is thinking about himself, rather than trying to apply the question specifically to them and their situation here in the moment. He's glad that Sei is comfortable enough with him to say things like that. It's important to him that the other trusts him.

So he cranes his neck and presses a kiss to the side of Sei's head just shy of his hair, then just leaves his nose pressed against Sei's temple.

"Then right here and now, that matters most."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

He tilts his head at the kiss, humming a soft, pleased sound as he does, very content to be warm, smell nice, cuddled, and kissed. So far as Sei is concerned, the evening is amazing and can only get better!

"I want you to be happy, too, Kusa-kun," he points out with a tone that warns, gently, that the blonde shouldn't think only of Sei. "If not to be here at the station, at least here with me."

[zgok]

Kusakabe's grip on him loosens, just a little bit. He leans back against the edge of the tub.

"If it didn't make me happy, I wouldn't be here," he replies evenly. And for the most part that's true. He usually fights the things he doesn't want to participate in, be it verbally or otherwise. Sei has never seen him fully hostile or resistant, this far, never seen him shed others' blood. A small mercy, really.

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

The loosening grip makes his expression fall slightly, concern there as he turns his head enough to look over his shoulder at the blonde. He doesn't say anything, doesn't voice his concerns, doesn't ask what's wrong ( if anything ). He just accepts that "something changed", dark eyes curious before sliding away, wondering if he had said or done something wrong. It wouldn't be the first tim--...

Stopping that train of thought, shoulders prickling with the memory of a somewhat angry Leo's voice ringing in his ears, Sei pushes himself away from Kusakabe, rising up to turn around, sitting on his knees in the back, stabilizing himself between Kusakabe's legs as he looks up with concern.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asks, a tremor in his voice, less out of fear than the totally unfamiliar act of making himself ask a question of someone. Maybe he's overreacting? Maybe there's nothing wrong and he's making things wrong by asking? What if Kusakabe wasn't upset but gets upset now because he's said something?

The other man can clearly see the rapidly crumbling resolve play out in front of him, Sei's face at first reading a genuine desire to know the answer before quickly morphing into distress over having said anything at all.

[zgok]

At first Kusakabe doesn't actually know that anything is wrong, not reading his own movement as anything to worry over, but of course Sei notices everything. After all, everything is new and obvious and of course worrying when it happens without being able to tell for sure why. He doesn't know that maybe Kusakabe was trying to get comfortable, or that he wanted to free up his hands.

So when those big, dark eyes are pointed back at him with such earnest concern, and then outright alarm in reaction to what he himself had said, Kusakabe's cheeks puff out and he lightly pats wet hands against Sei's cheeks to try and snap him out of that mental spiral.

"Focus, relax. You didn't say anything wrong. You only asked the same question that I did, right? What's wrong about that?"

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

"I don't know, maybe nothing. Maybe everything? But...I recently got...chastised for not asking what I did wrong. But people aren't all the same so I didn't know if it was okay to ask or not. I'm sorry," he sighs, ducking his head apologetically. Always so quick to accept blame and apologize.

Turning around slightly, watching the water slosh about, Sei eventually leans to one side and rests his head against the rim of the tub.

"Kusa-kun..." he gazes up at the other man, black eyes soft, thoughtful. "Thank you for being my friend this long."

[zgok]

By now, Kusakabe is used to Sei needing the kind of reassurances that most might take for granted. It's easy for him to forget that other people might not know how to deal with someone that behaves like Sei does.

Draping an arm around Sei's shoulders, Kusakabe perches his chin on the other's slender shoulder and looks up at him with that same sleepy expression.

"Try not to take the things other people say so seriously. Sometimes they say things they don't mean, right? Or...they say something, but they don't have the right words for it, and it comes out all wrong."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

"No, they were right. I was just going to leave and not try to fix anything first. I thought I'd only make things worse if I stayed, but they wanted me to ask why they were upset. But...I didn't know what they wanted. It was my fault," Sei sighs, looking up at Kusakabe, reaching up to touch his hair with a damp and soapy hand, curious about the blonde strands with no feeling the way his own had.

"I don't know how to talk to people. I don't know how to connect with them. I've...always made people like me. My powers...or they just pretended because of who I was. Because of who my father was. I've never talked to people before like now and...I mess up a lot. I want to do better but I'm more worried about being a bother," he laughs softly, brows perking in a slightly distressed sort of self-deprecating amusement.

[zgok]

"Having to actually ask isn't something you've ever had to do before, right? If you ask me it sounds like they have some kind of hangups over communication too so they need to talk about that kind of thing. I don't think either of you did anything wrong." Kusakabe's fingers drag lightly through the wet ends of Sei's hair, dragging it over his shoulder. His own hair, still mostly dry, is soft and rather bouncy under Sei's fingers. He understands the curiosity there, given the difference. "Maybe...you're going to be a bother to some people. That's just because everyone is different, right? They all have thresholds. What makes someone happy might make someone else mad."

[c4p71v3pr1nc355]

"I'm almost glad I don't seem to be able to get mad," he remarks thoughtfully, head tilting slightly in the direction his hair is tucked, eyes drifting closed for a moment and just enjoying the new sensation of pain-free touching of his hair. After Leo tried, he hasn't been flinching so much as bracing for impact, and even then, so far so good.

"But being sad isn't very good either. I know I need to stop overthinking. It's hard to do. I've been...trapped in my head for so long. I've never been able to do much more than overthink. Scenarios, dreams, conversations plotted out in my head from observing people but never having the confidence or strength to speak up and actually act in those--" he stops himself, opening his eyes and looking up slowly, clearing his throat with an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, Kusa-kun. We're not supposed to be talking about dismal things. We're supposed to be having fun. I know it's...ironic, maybe. Stopping myself from talking about stopping myself from talking. I just...I'm beginning to understand how I'm...too much for some people, even without trying."

[zgok]

Kusakabe listens, letting Sei talk himself back around to where he's hesitating and backpedalling again, and he shifts to lean against the side of the tub and look back at Sei with a soft frown.

"Hey, I told you that you could talk to me, you don't have anything to be sorry about. It's a lot, yeah, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing, just like it's not a bad thing that other people might not have the capacity to listen to everything. Plus you do talk about a lot of really personal stuff that people that don't know you would get really uncomfortable about. You weren't raised with the kind of filter that makes some things stay in your head until it's more appropriate. None of that is your fault.

"You're right though, talking about that stuff isn't sexy, since it's all traumatic." Look at him, using words he's learned since trying to do research into how to handle someone that behaves like Sei does. He's trying really, really hard not to mess up in a way that will hurt him. "So, we'll talk about softer things. Like how pruny we're getting." At that he lifts his hand out of the water to examine his fingertips, wrinkled for how long they've been in the tub. Not that he particularly wants to move yet, nor do they have to, when they've got all night to be here.